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This year represents a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a prospective partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {